To be honest, my Japanese identity is not something really matter to me.
Rather, I even think I was born in wrong country sometimes.
prob I don't have any specific community I'm devoting, because wherever I go and however long time I spend with, I've still felt strong connection between me and any specific communities.
Even tho I was contributing in many ways so much, my devoting feeling fade away once it's done and over. Like HLAB, JASC, Palestine NGO, Study groups etc....
But as long as I try to keep not fading those away, I can care people to some extent.
like my best friend, my boyfriend, my family.
However, my capacity for those is not really big, always limited so it's likely to go away being proportional with how busy I am. (plus I'm ADHD)
When I'm dead with assignments and reading like mid and final weeks, I can't reply anyone even tho it's my bday.
I know that's one thing destroying my relationships but still it's not something I can change easily.
It's almost my nature. (human nature as well tho)
So"less friends deep relationship" way fits more for me.
my friend should be supposed to understand how I am.
it may sound selfish but as Marylin Monroe said as
"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/marilyn_monroe
my few best friends and partner who deserve my best so far understand how I am and be patience, which I really appreciate.
But to be fair, I also really patience and considerable for those of them when they can't be the way they are and try my best to care those.
Relationship should be fair❤️
(ofc I understand there is certain situation and people who I have to reply no matter what, like work, academic life or like people I need to show my respect to them)
okay now I need to go back to my essay
see ya soon